Archive for December, 2006

Review #171: Black Christmas (2006)

Thursday, December 28th, 2006

Spoiler warning…um, there are spoilers.

As far as a slasher movie goes, this one was pretty cool. I mean, why do you see a slasher movie? The plot? No, you go for bloody, gruesome killings and there were plenty of those in here. The story was okay and the acting was painful, but that lends itself to some funny lines.

Sorority chick #1 to Sorority chick #2: “You don’t even have a sister!”
Old sorority chick looking for her dead sister: “Yes, she does.” (she means herself!)


hmmm…it’s funnier in the movie. All of the sisterhood stuff they blab about is.

I’m always suprised by who survives in these movies. It wasn’t Gretchen from Mean Girls. It wasn’t Jessica from Passions. I wasn’t Dawn from Buffy. It was some blonde chick I’ve never seen before. But Dawn eats it via a pair of ice skates and you see a nice shot of the wound on the back of her head. It’s pretty rad.
So, if you dig slasher movies with the good old formula of hot chicks getting sliced and diced, you won’t be disapointed. There are some more creative deaths like flesh christmas cookies and an improbable falling icicle through the eye, but mostly it’s just the killer hacking through the girls. There’s also enough of a plot to pop out a sequel, but I hope they don’t. The plot wouldn’t survive to the end of a second movie.

Review # 170: Lady in the Water

Sunday, December 24th, 2006


Good God almighty, this movie was terrible. I’ve come to expect certain things from M. Night Shyamalan; slow-moving action, even slower-revealing revelations and some suprise twist or another. This movie had all of those and, although I was at least entertained by movies like The Sixth Sense and The Village (apparently a LOT of people don’t like that one, either), this one sucked donkey nuts. Here’s why:


>>There is a “bedtime story” that is apparently true and now these people have to deal with it. However, the story-within-a-story dynamic falls drastically short of any sort of success.. Everyone accepts it all as fact WAY too easily.


>>None of these people can act. Seriously. The way they all talk to each other is uncomfortable to watch as you can feel them thinking about how they are going to say their lines. The worst, by far, is Shyamalan himself. It’s just like his painful performance as the guy who killed Mel Gibson’s wife in Signs, but the role is much bigger and so the pain is in a larger dose.


>>Why, oh, why does the girl (who has the horrible name of “Story”) have to sit in the shower through most of the movie? Why can’t she hang out in the pool? She slept a whole night in Paul Giamatti’s apartment without the shower but suddenly will dry up or something?


>>The only thing that got me through this movie was the fact that, for some reason, I find Paul Giamatti to be cute and cuddly. AND he’s wearing a lot of earth-tones in this movie…*sigh*


>>Shyamalan should have either waited until he had enough money to make a movie about the “bedtimestory” itself, or not relied so much on the story to dictate the actions of the characters. They’d pump the chinese granny for more details of the story (BTW, she had and answer for every single question) and do whatever she said. The granny, however, plays no role except the source of this information. The woman’s daughter has no problem translating what she thinks is just a rather involved bedtime story to her building’s super.


>>This movie sucked.

Review # 169: Danielson: A Family Movie

Wednesday, December 20th, 2006


Tonight the guy had a suprise Christmas present for me. I had no idea what it was, and I had my defenses up when I found out it involved GOING somewhere. Imagine my suprise when we rolled up to the theater and BAM! Danielson was playing! How the hell does this guy know me so well?
What can I say, I love the Danielson Familie and their incarnations. This movie explores the history of the band focusing mainly on the lead man Daniel Smith. The rest of the family are sort of studio musicians for the music he writes. While they have their lives doing other stuff in addition to the music, he has his life of making music or art. The archival footage starts as early as Daniel’s art school thesis performance with his brothers and sisters, before the first album was recorded. Many of the family members have their own narratives that each give a different perspective of their musical endeavors.
If you are a fan of the Danielsons, whether it’s because you like good music or because they seem to be popular with the hipsters and you will like them while you’re being told to, you really ought to see this movie. It’s not in wide release, unfortunately. In fact I didn’t even know it was playing here in Seattle. So you may have to wait for it to come out on video. I thought I was going to have to.
The movie has a subtitle: Make a Joyful Noise HERE. It could have been: Struggling in a Sea of Douchebags. The pure honesty and happiness of the Smith family highlights how inane and stupid everyone around them is. Including that fuckhead Sefjan Stevens. Yes, of Illinois and all that. He was in the band touring and whatnot for quite a bit. Then he played solo and blew up. Daniel Smith, meanwhile is too God-y for mainstream and not God-y enough for christians. There are some “man on the street” interviews about the band and everyone’s all like “They’re weird, but I like them. They’re scary. I don’t get it. Are they christian? I like it, but I’m not into Jesus,” etc. Everyone seemed afraid to say that IT WAS GOOD MUSIC! Then there are some Sefjan audience interviews and everyone basicaly jerks off onto his face. (I’m sure the familie would disaprove of my harsh words toward their friend.)
So, this movie ruled and I wish the Smith familie the best.

Review# 168: People who say they hate myspace

Monday, December 18th, 2006

Shut your fucking mouths, you elitist fucks. I KNOW all your arguments against it and I agree with most of them but the site it merely a new social tool like anything else. I’ve stopped complaining about cell phones because I realised that it’s just the way society is shifting. Do the same thing, grow a little, and just ignore it if it bugs you that much. I mean, I hate babies and I just ignore them. Problem solved.

Review #167: Stirrings Pomegranite Martini mix

Thursday, December 14th, 2006


$9.99, 32 oz bottle
2 parts mix,1 part vodka:
-Tart, fruity flavor
-So SWEET! Sure to cause a headache if many are consumed.
-Great, if you hate the taste of vodka…but then why are you drinking it?
1/2 mix, 1/2 vodka:
-Much smoother. Still sweet, but not too much to enjoy.
-I can taste the vodka enough that my nose goes a little numb with each sip. This is good.
-It doesn’t taste bad, but the sweetness still makes me fear a headache. I’m sure I’ll be switching over to beer after I try…
2 parts vodka, 1 part mix

Review #166: Firefly/Serenity

Tuesday, December 12th, 2006


Been bowling tonight, ergo, I’m drunk. Bring on the bullets!:
-The scene(s) where River is whaling on the Reavers is probably one of my favorite scenes in a movie, ever.
-I thought there was no way that a 2 hour movie could satisfy my curiosity after finishing the Firefly series, mostly thinking of Shepard Book’s mysterious past. I was wrong. The movie basically told the audience, by telling Mal (Captain Reynolds), “No, you’re never going to know.” They at least addressed it, wich suits me fine.
-There is a cool site that has Serenity acted out with paper puppets. Click here to see it. Click here to see why I couldn’t see it until I had seen Serenity.
-Finally someone made a show about Space Cowboys. Man, that’s awesome.
-The characters are too good. I think Whedon’s characters (in general) may have sparked the beginning of my inability to distinguish fantasy from reality. However, no one on this show was better than Anya.
-The theme song to the series was REALLY bad. I hated it.
-The Jaynestown episode was SO stupid. If there’s a stand alone episode about Jayne, they could have made it not suck so bad. I suppose he was suposed to learn a lesson in it, but that would fundamentaly change his character. And, just like the theme song, the epic folk song about him sucks. Goddam mud people can’t write a song to save their lives.
-Still drunk, want to move on. Maybe I’ll add more later.
-Watch this. NOW!

Review # 165: Bus Pass

Wednesday, December 6th, 2006

My car broke down in August. I have yet to make any attempt to remedy this, although I should since I’m moving at the end of this month. I hate moving. Since then I’ve taken the bus everywhere, stupidly paying for each trip, scrounging for change every time. Today I decided to bite the bullet and buy an unlimited ride pass.
When I did this I felt a sting in my most sensitive spot…my wallet. I did the math and it would take 36 rides to make the $54.00 pass worth my money. I assure you I will be taking at least that many rides. It will be nice to have it handy, not having to dig through my change jar every time I have to go to work. And it sure beats hitting my boyfriend up for bus fare everytime we go somewhere.


I have been taking a lot of pictures of myself again

Review#164: This cardigan I’ve had since high school

Tuesday, December 5th, 2006

It’s perfect. I got it back in high school when it seemed a lot easier to find cool cheap clothes at thrift stores. I haven’t worn it in over 2 years because I left it in this van I was living in and it got some mold growing on it. Loving it so much, I kept it in a plastic bag away from everything else knowing that one day I would take care of it. I’m sure most of it is polyester. Today was that day. I put on some rubber gloves, sprayed it with Simple Green and scrubbed it im my bathroom sink. I then threw it in the wash.
It’s good as new, or at least as good as I left it. This sweater fits me perfectly and has a couple of characteristics I can’t find in most. First of all there are two small pockets in the front. Most sweaters I can find in thrift stores have no pockest at all. The other thing is the cuffs. Other “golf sweaters” have these really long cuffs that are meant to be folded back in half. They are ugly. These cuffs just have a simple ribbing that hugs the wrist.
I have no idea who made it and I will probably never see one like it again.

Review #163: Danielson-Ships

Monday, December 4th, 2006

Years ago I went to see Low play in San Francisco with my best frined KC. Opening for them was a band called The Danielson Familie. I’m sure we made fun of how they spelled it, but after hearing them we were nothing but in awe of them. I have since heard nearly all of their albums. They have changed the spelling of “family” a couple of times, Daniel, the lead man, put out a solo album under Brother Danielson, and now they dropped the “familie” altogether.
The last album I bought was the Brother Danielson one wich, while good, I didn’t like as much as the others. Still, when I saw Ships in the store the other day I felt compelled to buy it and boy, I’m glad I did.
I’ve known from the start that these kids are heavily influenced by their faith, but it’s rarely noticable. Once in a while there is a standout line about the Lord, but mostly it’s hard for a layman to put the lyrics in any Christain context, or any context at all for that matter. I just think the arrangments come close to some of the most beautiful music I’ve heard. My favorite of their albums is Tri-Danielson Alpha. My next favorite is a tie between this and their first album. “A NoNo” from the first album is my favorite song of theirs not only despite, but because of, the bellowing end chorus of “I LOVE MY LORD, I LOVE MY LORD, I LOVE MY LORD, I LOVE MY LORD!”
So here is a sample of these kids singing their hearts out in uplifting ways that can be, at times, haunting. There is also a documentary about them that I have yet to see. I should get on that. (I DID! see review #169!)

Review#162: Superman Returns (2006)

Monday, December 4th, 2006

Jesus, this movie sucked. Halfway through I thought it could be good, but the ending was atrocious. The inclusion of a super-kid made me hate the world. Not even Parker Posey could have saved this movie, a misfortune that depleats my faith in mankind.



Kevin Spacey could have made a good Lex Luthor if he was more evil and less goofy. The guy who played Superman (I’m not going to learn his name because I’m sure it will never be used commonly by the celebrity-watching public) might have been good if he was older and didn’t look so sad all the time. Frank Langells might have made a good Perry White if he actually had a part in the movie.


The worst parts were 1) Lois Lane married to someone else and 2) Superman having spawned a child. Both of these things go against a certain fundamental lore that Superman has, and that’s not me just being a comic purist. This pertains to any version of tv show, cartoon, movie, anything. It’s like if you told the story of Jesus, but in this one, he’s not the son of God.