INKSTAND

Archive for March, 2007

Review #195: Today’s episode of Passions (3/31/2007)

Saturday, March 31st, 2007

Seeing as how the show has been cancelled, I was hoping that towards the end, similar to shows like Roseannes talk show and Arrested Development, it would just get fucking ridiculous. I may be in luck. This is the best episode of Passions I’ve seen in a LONG time. There was arson, a gun fight, a half man/half woman blackmailer tying a naked dude to a chair, a baby witch making herself into an adult, and demons in a basment torturing a pimp. And in the “next time on Passions” thing, there was gay sex!
Thats not to say there weren’t bad things. Let’s start with those.(this may be complicated and/or boring if you don’t watch the show.)

-Jared is a douche. When he first showed up I thought it might be interesting to have another romantic interest for Theresa, but it ended up lame. And ever since he got shot or something, he’s been sitting in the hospital with this stupid grin on his face because Theresa is being blackmailed into marrying him. He doesn’t know that, naturally, she’s in love with Ethan like she has been since the first episode. I can’t stand looking at him anymore “ooh, I’m gonna marry Tess, blah, blah…”

-Luis is an idiot. “Oh, I’m being framed for rape and murder and already escaped once…I’d better try to clear my name by escaping again when my cell is mysteriously left open and my clothes are covered in gasoline…oh, I should put on said gas-soaked clothes while doing it.” What a moron!
Anyway…the good stuff…

More magic.Little Endora turned herself into an adult to show Jessica what life would be like if she stopped hooking and taking drugs and didn’t have Spike around. I was hoping for some “It’s A Wonderful Life” type scenario, but instead there was just a heartfelt talk between Jessica and a magical apparition of her father. Lame, but still the infusion of magic was welcomed…not as welcomed as…

The Boys in the Basement. Ever since the beginning we’ve seen these floor vents in Tabitha’s house glowing red, or a red glow and smoke coming from her basement door. There was always the mention of the evil that lived down there, but up until now we never got to see what was down there. While my imagination likes to think there is more, what we saw were two gnarly demon guys attacking Spike the pimp. Tabitha threw him down there to teach him a lesson, or “lession” as the person who writes Endora’s word bubbles chose to spell it. The guys look pretty evil (for a soap opera) and one even sinks his teeth into Spike before he escapes. He (for some reason) goes back into the house where he gets tossed and spun around by disembodied shadows. Rad!

The Blackmailer First of all I have a theory as to who this is. It’s a half man/half woman. My guess is that it is both Vincent and Valerie. I don’t watch everyday, but I haven’t seen those two, who are supposed to be in a relationship, on screen at the same time. Also, I think Vince/Val is the long lost son(daughter) of Julian and Eve. Valerie was recently hired to track this child down and did so, saying she only knew that he was there in Harmony. Vincent, on the other hand, has recently been having an affair with Chad, who he’s blackmailing. I’ve always liked duality in characters, be it evil twins, split personalities, or some half and half like Two-Face (although I never liked two-face that much).

I dig this character because s/he seems to have it in for everyone. Ethan found his/her apartment and there were pictures of everyone in Harmony plastered on the wall. Then Ethan got chloroformed, nakeded, and tied to a chair. The voice, though distorted, is obviously that of Vincent. What I’m not sure about is the motives for trying to cause misery for people like Fancy and Luis, other than they deserve it because they suck.

Arson The blackmailer killed an informant and rigged his apartment to blow up when Luis went investigating. Explosions and fire are always cool.
A gunfight Stupid Luis is trying to escape the fire, but theres bars on the window. He decides to shoot the lock off. The police outside see his silhouette with a gun and open fire. Meanwhile a pack of bullets left by the informant catch fire and begin going off. Then Luis gets shot by his girlfriend. I hope he’s dead!

Next time on Passions: Gay Sex!!!

Posted in TV | 1 Comment »

Review #194: Angry Nerd reviews TMNT 3

Thursday, March 29th, 2007

Man, this guy does reviews right. Ok, I haven’t seen his other reviews, but this one is not only dead-on, but he backs up all his points and is more than satisfactorily informed of the subject he’s reviewing.
When the review starts, he goes off on foul-mouthed rants that express his distaste for the movie. After this subsides he clearly and knowledgably dissects the Ninja Turtles phenomenon keeping in step with a build-up to third movie. His description of that late 80’s/ early 90’s marketing bonanza is plainly put, so that people who weren’t in the thick of it (like I was) could still follow the progression.
He then spends the bulk of the second video reviewing the actual TMNT3 movie, and does so brilliantly. His take on it was pretty much the one I had, but at the time I didn’t care enough about the franchise anymore to get upset about it (which is odd, because he’s like a year older than me). In fact there is only one tiny flaw i saw in his review: I don’t think they intended that rat to be splinter’s ancestor, but rather intended a lame joke as a transition between scenes.
My favorite line has to be “This movie sucks so much fucking suck that it fucks.” Also, he’s actually reasonably attractive, especially when he’s getting really mad (see end of part2) or drinking Rolling Rock!
I just saw that he reviewed Friday the 13th for the NES. Im gonna watch that now.

Posted in movies, web pages, rampant consumerism | 1 Comment »

Review # 193: Americone Dream

Thursday, March 15th, 2007

I just ate half a pint of this while watching Passions. OMG, I’m going to get soooooo fat!
Let’s see. Vanilla with caramel and chocolate covered waffle cone peices. If you like whatever’s in a flavor that Ben and Jerry’s concocts, you’re going to like the flavor. I mean, I wouldn’t like something if it had pecans in it, but if you like pecans, you’d like the ice cream. So, yeah, I like this. It’s yummy.

Posted in food | 3 Comments »

Review #192: bleep blorp

Thursday, March 8th, 2007

Ok, so why am I putting symbols in place of letters? It’s an attempt to fight spam.
This is a sweet, safe movie that was pretty entertaining until the end. It was a total cop out and nothing was explained. so there.

Posted in movies | No Comments »

Review #191: This disco shirt

Wednesday, March 7th, 2007

I was just going through my clothes, picking out the ones I’m going to give away, when I came across this shirt. I got it in high school, like a lot of my clothes i should toss, and while I seem to have worn it a lot back then I don’t find myself donning it at all anymore. Is it because it’s out of date? That didn’t stop me in school when it was only 20 years out of date. Now it’s 30 years old, at least. I think the main reason I don;t wear it anymore is because it’s polyester. I used to wear a LOT of polyester. But now I’m an adult and I work and I do actual physical activities and sweat and stuff, and with it’s lack of breathing quality, polyseter just isn’t practical. Plus this, like my drawings, is another relic from my past that I DO NOT NEED! So, while it served it’s purpose when I was trying to be all non-conformy and stuff in my youth, it’s time to let some bum wear it.

Posted in stuff I found, geeky not in the cool way | 2 Comments »

Review #190: The smell of the air tonight

Tuesday, March 6th, 2007

No jokes.
Yeah, yeah, today was all beautiful and shit. I know, every customer who came into my work felt the need to tell me. I knew I would have enjoyed it, but I couldn’t until my trek home. As I walked, drinking a PBR, listening to some songs I had gotten to know well in high school, I smelled that spring-is-coming feeling in the air. It reminded me of a few things:
-The first time I “fell in love” in 1996 (it was an adolecent fixation, I won’t go into it)
-Getting off work from WalMart at midnight with KC and going to get high.
-I’m not sure why, but dusty comics from the quarter bin.
So after a substantially shitty day, I retire feeling happy and relaxed. I probably won’t even send out my resume to jobs on Craig’s List like I had planned.

Posted in nature | 1 Comment »

Review #189: MySpace Limbo

Monday, March 5th, 2007

I’m in a couple of myspace groups where we talk about how nerdy we are, how cool Star Trek and comics are, and how we’re all homos. In one of those groups a fellow member noticed that his posts weren’t posting. He somehow found that they were being re-routed here. I’m pretty sure this is the longest thread that any Myspace message board has. It’s not in any sort of group and it seems like random posts from all over are just thrown in here.
As you might imagine, it’s uproariously funny to read through these very out-of-context posts, especially if the following post is in stark contrast. Behold:

So, seriously, check it out before it’s gone for some reason.

Posted in web pages, i hate technology | No Comments »

Review #188: My new ringtone

Monday, March 5th, 2007

Not too long ago I joined the 90’s and got a cell phone. Even not longer ago I realized that I could get an annoying ringtone just like everyone else! I went to the Virgin Mobile website first and that luckily ended up being my last stop as well.
MY first thought was Today by the Smashing Pumpkins, one of my favorite songs growing up. Yeah, hard as it is to believe, I was angsty. Ok, I was mopey. Whatever.
The next idea I got was a TV theme song. They didn’t have The Odd Couple, not that I thought they would, but they did have The Brady Bunch. The problem with that is that it’s a midi file. Yuck.
After browsing for a little while longer, I found it. It was perfect. I got it on my phone and now I wait anxiously for someone to call. Unfortunatley for the caller, I won’t want to talk to whoever it is but I’ll get to hear my awesome ringtone!

Posted in i hate technology | No Comments »

Review # 187: Lazy Boy IPA

Friday, March 2nd, 2007

I was never a big fan of IPAs but I’ve been warming up to them latley. Sometimes they’re just too bitter, or “hoppy”, I guess. This is one of my favorites. Naturally the label caught my attention. Not only is it printed in my favorite color combination, there is an adorable fat boy on it. 6.2% by vol., and in a 22 oz bottle, it’s just right. The flavor is bright, but not too strong. I get a decent buzz off it even while eating.
The beer seems to sell pretty quickly at my store, especially among the employees. Not only that, but I think the guy on the label is one of my friend’s girlfriend’s cousin or something. I hope we keep carrying it and it does well enough that we get in some of Lazy Boy’s other brews.
It was so good, I made out with the bottle, even though the dude isn’t as hot as the last beer I made out with.

Posted in beer/alkihol | No Comments »

Review # 186: Comicon’s lame promotion

Thursday, March 1st, 2007

If you register for the San Diego Comicon online, you get the opportunity to purchase this clear Bugs Bunny action figure for only $15.00! I’m all for premiums and stuff. Back in ‘95 when Kenner released the new Star Wars figures, I sent my Frosted Mini Wheat proofs of purchase in to get my Han Solo in Stormtrooper costume figure, just like everyone else. The great thing about that was that they didn’t offer that figure at all in the stores. They don’t offer this Bugs Bunny, either, but they do offer the same one in non-invisible form. Why is it that I finally decide to make the trek down there and they offer some crap like that. I suppose I should be glad that it’s not a really cool figure of someone I really like so I don’t feel obligated to spend even more money on this shindig than I’m going to in the first place. But next time, Comicon, when I’m all rich and shit, you’d better have a Jonah Hex figure with real melting-face action!

Posted in comics, geeky not in the cool way, rampant consumerism | No Comments »

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