INKSTAND

When I saw Campbell’s Select Harvest soups on sale at Safeway for a buck a pop I thought I’d get a few decent meals out of them, as I had from Progresso soups a few weeks prior. I’m guessing these soups are generally better for you than most others, if not from the packaging or ad campaigns, then from the taste. Talk about bland! I added salt to it and it still didn’t help. It’s filling, I’ll give it that. Unfortunately I have another can of this that I’ll end up saving for a rainy day. I also have a can of Italian Wedding. I hope that one’s better. I’ll let you know.

***Spoiler alert!!*** I’m spoiling this movie! Because you have the right to know!

This is one of those movies that I always saw at the video store. I spent a large portion of my youth scanning the Horror section, yet for some reason the box to April Fool’s Day never made itself seem more interesting than the others I chose. Well, I saw it this weekend. It’s a good, run-of-the-mill, 80’s horror movie. Young people having sex, partying and getting killed. I don’t remember if there were any titties in it, but i sure recall the scene with the dude in tighty-whiteys (Jockey brand y-fronts, to be exact). And a few times when Biff Tannen and another dude kept pretending to be gay together.
A bunch of people get together for some reason at the island-home of Muffy. They all get killed, Muffy has a twin, Buffy, blah blah blah. So what’s the spoiler? Who was the killer?
No one! It was an April Fool’s prank! The whole thing! Even after this is disclosed, Muffy gets her throat slashed…but that’s a gag, too! No one is the killer because no one actually gets killed! Other than that little fact, it’s a perfectly good 80’s horror flick. Just be ready to care even less than you normally would about the characters.

One sip of this 10.21% IPA and you know it’s one of those beers that will rip the hair off your nuts just so it can put some more on there. The hops are just freaking ridiculous. Hoppy, hoppy, hoppy! Naturally it gets easier to drink as you go along. The high, therefore fun, alcohol level comes at a price, though. This 22 ounce bottle cost me $7.99 at my work. I’m not sure if you can get it cheaper anywhere else. Lately it seems as though our store’s prices are actually competetive.

Dear Hunts,

I find it hard to believe that whoever designs your cans has been oblivious to the innovations of the twenty-first century. I’m not referring to your label, which is certainly modern enough for anyone’s taste, but rather the rigid clunkiness of the actual cans you use. My main gripe? They do not stack.

In one sense I can understand. It’s probably much cheaper to keep the same can design that you’ve had for however many decades you’ve been around. Nonetheless, you should reconsider “getting with the times”. Even Spam, with it’s ever-familiar, trademark key, now has a peel back lid on it’s can. It’s very disrupting to the flow of life when a can is placed on top of another and the top ring is met with a bottom ring of the same size, rather than a receded bottom that would fit nicely behind the lip of the top ring. Del Monte has done it. Muir Glen has done it. Now it is time for you to step up to the plate, and save us all the grief of canned food toppling off of shelves in our grocery stores.

Thank You,
Phil