1. Sometime after 11 o’clock and strictly over AOL instant messenger, Faith and I agreed to take a ten hour roadtrip down to Arcata, Ca.
2. Part of me wanted to see what had become of my former stomping ground.
3. The other half, (and I didn’t tell her this), just wanted an excuse to spend time together.
4. I brewed some coffee before she arrived, and threw a bunch of survival essentials in a black Jansport backpack. (Okay, some clothes, a toothbrush and a camera).
5. The coffee was from Trader Joe’s and ended up tasting incrediably bitter. In the first couple minutes in the car she told me it was the worst coffee she’d ever tasted.
6. We stopped at a gas station and she filled a french press with Yerba Mate` instead. This would be the drink of choice for the entire weekend (except for on the drive back when she got the wild idea to brew it with a mixture of coffee. Sorry Faith, I understand your intentions, but that was kind of nasty).
7. We were amped with caffiene but not silly by any means – that is, the conversation did not start out light.
8. Within the first few hours very intimate details of her life were revealed. I like people who just cut to the chase – no bullshit about the weather or bands or the extent of your veganism – I guess I just prefer all the really gritty shit.
9. When things died down, she asked if I would be worried if she smoked pot in the car. She had picked up on my incrediable paranoia, which coincedentally, had been amplified by my prior smoking of said “herb”.
10. To protect us she said that she had put a “bubble” around our vehicle to deter unwanted energy. I wasn’t so much intimated by bad spirits as something a little more tangiable, like you know, the goddamn cops.
11. I tried my hardest to visualize this sacred shell she had erected around her careening vehicle, but its been phased out of me or something. Still, I must admit that nothing tragic happened the entire trip, no matter how tightly I held onto my seatbelt as she zipped around corners.
12. When we got near Eugene at six in the morning she called our mutual friend Elliot on her cellphone and told him all about our magic bubble that was protecting us. He did not believe in her capabilities, and just as she said “don’t try to burst my bubble …” a rabbit ran in front of our car.
13. We swerved only to hit the varmit dead on. Whereas I saw this as a definite glass half-empty type situation she said it was a sacrifice to teach me that the these kinds of magical spells are real and should not to be put on trial.
14. If I remember right she saw four shooting stars; whereas I sadly did not see any. Too busy biting my nails and trying to sneak glimpses of her out of the corner of my eye.
15. We got talking religion, of course, and my favorite thing she said the whole night was that Buddhism seemed like “duh” to her. I’ve never heard it put so eloquently.
16. We rolled in to Eugene to meet Elliot as the sun started to come up. I guessed that he wouldn’t be wearing shoes, and was right. I mean, the guy never wears shoes, but something seemed strange about being barefoot in a parking lot at six in the morning!?
17. I bought a National Enquirer at Albertsons, just for the pictures of plastic-surgery disasters, and we both bought Jalepeno bagels. According to her, these were the best kosher pastries she had ever had the pleasure of consuming. We all danced in a parking lot and laughed from delirium.
18. By this point our circadian rhythms had started playing rough, and the trip took a turn for the weird. Jibberish and human-made animal noises all seemed completely within the bounds of reason.
19. I leafed through the magazine and laughed at the expense of the various celebrities, all the while feeling absolutely comfortable – perhaps for the first time around her.
20. This is kind of hard to explain, but I feel like there are different persona’s inside of me – a shy Garrett, a silly Garrett, a serious Garrett – only not so clearly defined. About the time we departed out of Eugene I felt like we were hitting a phase in our relationship where I could finally start entering one of my more natural selves.
21. Either that, or I was fucking loosing my mind from sleep deprivation.
22. At one point she drove up a rural driveway and I got out of the car to the sound of what seemed like twelve-thousand rabid dogs barking in every direction. When I returned from a piss break she said that she was working on helping me not be such a chicken shit.
23. Immediately after this, her ex – (but VERY-LONGTERM) – boyfriend called on her cellphone, and Faith handed it to me. I think I played it off well when I was talking to him, and hopefully I managed to conceal the fact that it might be strange me traveling alone with her.
24. She talked to him after me. When she hung up she said she almost told him I was her new “internet boyfriend”. I’d settle for that.
25. After she made fun of me for having to go pee three times within 15 minutes, I felt like we were on fairly friendly terms. I started trying to consciously make lasting eye contact with her, and I can remember the first moment I thought that she might actually like me back a little bit.
26. We drove over the California state line with a Washington banana in the backseat. They didn’t have any inspections that day and I wanted to eat it as we drove over the imaginary boundary. My rebel yell was becoming stronger.
27. The sun was now clearly visible, and I fell asleep while a song that she wrote was playing on the stereo. I feel really guilty about that.
28. The song was a literal remix of George Michaels “Gotta Have Faith”.
29. When we got to her house in Arcata, I crawled into the bed and tried to sleep. A while later she threw a pillow at my head and asked if she could sleep next to me.
30. After an gruelingly awkward half an hour, I was wrapped around her, kissing the back of her neck. How do these things come about?
31. Later, with my mind still reeling from the fact that she hadn’t cringed at my touch, I decided to walk around by myself and take pictures of the town. I got a really good one of a giant Dinosaur mural on the side of a building. Whenever I see that Dinosaur I think “we’re next”.
32. I thought I would recognize more faces, but in just a year the town has cleared out a whole generation of students, and brought in a new crop of pooka-shelled hemp-wearing hacky-sackers.
33. I try not to perpetuate stereotypes, but seeing it all again and realizing just how accurate that picture is kind of shocked my system.
34. For instance, the first girl I recognized as an aquaintance couldn’t talk for very long because she was too busy getting ready for Burning Man. She was talking some maddness about bird-cages…
35. When we went our seperate ways I went ahead and snickered to myself.
36. Japhy’s was closed, KC wasn’t working at Wildberries, I didn’t recognize anyone at the coffeehouse I used to work at, APD was too packed to venture in. Why had I really come here?
37. I walked around looking down the alleys and shops that were now closed and renting out to new people, and thought about Rick LinkLater’s film “Before Sunrise”.
38. The plot is about two people who meet in Europe and have a love affair that only spans the length of one night. The last shots in the film are of all the same scenes where the two characters had walked and talked, but now devoid of any people.
39. For me, Arcata feels like that – competely timeless, or beyond time. As if it’s always going to be there as a little theatrical stage for humans to perform dramatic one acts.
40. For the most part the town was the same – with the University not yet in session the town was mostly dead. I remembered how Jenny used to say that in the summer it was her “shoebox town” – referring to it’s dyarama like qualities.
41. I tried to barge into Tom’s house and surprise him, but the door was locked. The names on the mailbox had new ones written after his. I wonder if Jenny, his roommate and my ex-fiance, had moved outta town without telling me?
42. So I stopped to see my exgirlfriend Erin and layed around her new house for a while. She let me eat her leftover Greek food, and we watched BeetleJuice.
43.I was happy to see her, but of course I also wanted to maximize my time with Faith. I’ve always had a really difficult time managing my time between people.
44. One of Erin’s roommates came home and was amped about rallying people together to charter a bus and meet Cindy Sheehan down in Texas. I was inspired by his zealous excitement and sincerely hoped he’d find a way down there.
45. There’s still a part of me that wants to be that carefree – but I’ve recently replaced it with a cynical side that thinks that most political demonstrations are, while noble, utterly ineffective. Today I was feeling mushy with romance, and decided not to express any doubts.
46. About five o’clock I stole away to Faith’s house and climbed into bed to finally get some real sleep. I had a very computer programming specific dream unto which I casted myself as a Garrett-Object, and then kicked off a thread with another Garrett-Object to go out and play. Meanwhile, the first instance of Garrett called the sleep() function. Dont’ worry if you don’t know what the fuck I am talking about, let’s just concede that it’s exremely nerdy, whatever it is!
47. Faith woke me up about 10:00 at night, she herself still not having gotten any sleep. My little object-orientated dream could not deter her, and somehow she convinced me to go out to a party in Samoa.
48. Really though, I would have gone anywhere she asked.
49. That being said, on the way out to the party I surrendered shotgun to Faith’s ex-girlfriend C. I was mostly quiet in a car squashed with girls.
50. You’ll never believe it, but my old roommates had moved into a freakin’ mansion out in the Samoa Dunes. To get to the grounds you literally had to cross a moat, with a little bridge with torches at the gate! Bohemian Grove, eat your heart out!
51. I got a tour of the joint, and Jon told me when he first examined the house he looked out the bedroom window and saw a whale in the ocean.
52. While impressive, Jon is, I must note, an incrediable stoner. Olympic League, even.
53. With all the punk houses getting evicted just as I had left the year prior, it was nice to see that someone had managed to sucker some landlord into renting out a palace to a bunch of sloppy kids. I mean, the place has it’s own fucking nature trail and now kids were drinking beer on the porch while a bonfire raged in the back.
54. A muppets cover band played in the living room and I sat on the stairs catching up with aquaintances. I tried to keep my distance from Faith and not attach myself to her hip, but I was still so enamoured with what had happened earlier in the day. I’ve had girls kiss me one night and then completely ignore me the next without any reasoning inbetween. I would not be swindled again!
55. One of the times I had Faith to myself, I pointed at a girl name Katie that I had once confessed a crush to (on my sloshy birthday). Katie was a nice girl, and she had let me down gently – but I always felt really stupid about the whole thing. As soon as I started saying something I knew it wasn’t probably the best topic of conversation.
56. But Faith laughed and said, coincidentally, the guy that Katie was currently talking to had once rejected Faith! Rejects of the world, unite!
57. Faith’s ex, C and I were left alone for a short stint, and I was nervous to talk to her. Just a week prior I had tried to befriend her on myspace (dont’ask) and she purposely hadn’t added me because of a rather strict policy. But we ended up hitting it off pretty well and if she were drinking, I’m sure we would have clinked our Pabst together.
58. C told me all about her sculptures she was making, basically revolving around the shape of raw chicken.
59. My favorite were her little raw chicken soaps, and a giant interactive chicken that people could rotate over a rotisserie. It all supposedly had something to do with feminism, but I really just like the idea of rubbing myself down with slimy chicken scrub.
60. Faith and I went home.
61. Here’s a snippet from an eerily in-sync horoscope that corresponds to the exact day!!! “In terms of your best date nights, August 14 will be your sexiest day, thanks to the fireworks set off by Mars and your ruling planet, Uranus. It’s a day filled with serendipity, so try not to over-schedule your day but rather enjoy being spontaneous. A quick trip to a new locale where you both could explore new sights would be fun. You’ll be in a positive, upbeat mood, too – save time that night to give one another undivided attention.”
62. I awoke with a girl laying next to me, the first time in many months. I held on to her very tightly and anytime she made motion to get up I pulled her back down to me.
63. My cellphone rang all morning but I ignored it. Think: one of those Lifetime movies where the Dad throws his phone into the lake so he can spend time with the family.
64. Faith felt like there might be deer outside her room, and we both stood up and through the window we could see that two were outside feeding. She told them that she liked them and they shambled off into the woods.
65. I would have been content staying in her bed all day just hanging out and holding her against me, but I remembered her mentioning that she often feels crowded , so I went out for a walk. I waste my time worrying about such crap!
66. At the coffeeshop my exgirlfriend Erin called and we had a skirmish over whether or not I was supposed to have met her for breakfast. It really upset me that one day back in town and we were already having a fight.
67. I sat down on the side of the road, looking out over Healthsport and a little soccer field, and chewed on some grass.
68. I figured: either I could go and calm down my ex, or I could follow around Faith at her house like a little puppy dog. All of the things that I hated about the town started rushing back in on me and I remembered just why I had moved away in the first place. That town must have some sort of trickster god who rules over relationships!
69. Speaking of dark magic: A black cat wandered up and surprisingly, I recognized it as Erins!! I took that as a sign and went back to spend time with her.
70. I’m happy that I got to see her again cause we had a good time reminscing, and when we hugged goodbye she kissed me on the cheek. As I walked away she waved from her house and followed me down the fenceline as if I were a ship sailing bon voyage. I’m really glad we can still be friends, but dating was a complete heartburn-fest.
71. Walking up to Faith’s house I saw her on a bike riding up a hill. I chased after her all the way to the top calling out her name but once I got to right behind her the girl turned around and shook her head. I had been chasing after the wrong person, or at least, the illusion of someone familiar.
72. When I got back to Faith’s house, sweating and embarrassed, I was nervous to walk in her room. She was on the phone and she didn’t say anything, but just motioned for me to come lie down next to her, like we had known eachother our whole lives and that she felt completely comfortable with me. What a strange juxtapostion from the phantom bike rider experience!
73. We stalled that afternoon, with the drive back to Seattle looming in our heads.
74. She showed me her mad skillz on the drums, deleted naked pictures of herself before letting me play on her laptop, and offered me beets and chicken which I refused.
75. Except for the jalepeno bagel and a few bites of Erin’s greek food, I didnt eat anything the entire weekend. I end up looking like kate moss(well, kindof) whenever i’m crushing on a girl. What a nasty little emotion love is, stealing precious resources from my basic survival skills to focus my concentration on a girl.
76. I paced around the house and played a little guitar. Faith was busy getting ready for another week stay up in Seattle and couldn’t pay too much attention to me.
77. All I wanted to do was grab on to her, but I would have been content with not getting caught scouring through her drawers and private notes instead.
78. Before we left, Tahoe and Faith went out into the backyard to smoke the ganja, and I went looking around the property. I found a giant spider web with a leaf acting as an anchor of sorts.
79. The sucker was so huge that little spiders had made their own webs in the spaces inbetween the design!
80. Tahoe and I talked about gnosticism, being on the planet earth, the role of humans as the infusers “soul” into matter, our experience with entities or lack theoreof, etc. I can see why Faith feels so lucky to have found her as a roommate!
81. During this dialogue Faith got really quiet, and rocked back and forth listening to her roommate speak. I wonder what she was thinking about.
82. One thing Tahoe said that really struck me was how there are certain people that you meet that feel like people that you already know. You see that person and you think – hey, you’re a “Gary” type person (or fill in the blank).
83. I’ve totally thought that before – but maybe it’s just one of those ideas that people think are unique like “what if the universe is God’s sneeze?” that in actuality, alot of people have thought of at one time. I don’t mean that in any negative connotation – more like, everything in the universe is here and will always be here, and we all have access to it.
84. We picked up Faith’s sister Chewy – and I snagged a piece of sushi that was freshly rolled by a girl in the kitchen. The house had kittens running out the front door and hiding under cars, strange African art, and one of those big bundles of sage. Let me reiterate – nothing new under the sun.
85. C came by to say goodbye, and when Faith hugged her I could see her eyes show obvious discomfort. I hoped to myself right then that I would never be in the same scenario.
86. We went to Ramones for food but nothing looked appetizing. Faith bought two huge chocolate bars and some cherries. Someone at the coffeestand recognized me and gave me free hot beverage. He had all his teeth missing from a bike accident and told me the latest Arcata gossip.
87. He told me my ex-fiance had picked up and moved to L.A.
88. As we left Arcata, this is all that I could think about.
89. I just now realized this, but it’s funny that as I was thinking about my failed attempt with marriage – we were driving past Mckinleyville and I had taken a cherry stem and I was trying to tie a knot with my tongue. So yah, either I’m not good with committed relationships, or bad at oral sex, or both – but funny that I just couldn’t get that thing to tie!
90. Near the Trees of Mystery and Babe the Blue Ox (and his gigantic scrotum), Faith told me that she could see my aura and that it was blueish/purple. But she had no idea what that meant.
91. Faith’s sister chewy grabbed her kundalini books by pulling down the back seat and diggin around the trunk, and read from the chapter on aura’s. The main thing that stuck in my mind was that the blueish tint has to do with a stifled voice.
92. I really enjoyed my time with this girl, a little too much all at once maybe, but Faith and I hadn’t exactly talked about what was going on. She had stressed her non-monogamous tendencies and in most cases I would tend to agree, but …
93. Before we got to Crescent City we pulled over to take a piss break in the redwoods. Faith and Chewy stepped out of the car and immediately started shouting into the canyon. No cars drove by and we urinated and screamed like nobody’s business.
94. I laid down in the back seat, my legs scrunched, my back twisted, my neck cocked. But Faith reached out and held my hand behind the seat and it was all good.
95. I stayed mostly quiet the whole night – but I made sure to show her how I felt through touch. I’m usually quite reserved about feeling other people, but I let loose.
96. One of my favorite moments of touch was when I wrapped my arm around her waist from the back seat, as she drove. Another time when we were pulled over she ran her hand straight up my shirt and onto my chest.
97. My favorite time I’ve ever touched her is when she grabbed my hand as I sat in the passager seat, and she drove with my arm clutched hard against her chest. Yeah, that fucking killedme.
98. I was pretty tired the whole ride home, and we didn’t talk much, but it just generally felt good to be in her presence.
99. As we pulled into my driveway, mazzy star on the radio like some indie movie soundtrack, the sun was just coming up and my mind flooded with thoughts of having to go to work in two hours. I still think it was all worth it.
100. Chewy did the obligatory excusing herself so we could say goodbye, and we hugged – and it was all left open whether when or if we would see eachother again.
Great stuff…
I used to have those stupid programming dreams all the time when I was doing that as a job. I remember one particularly annoying dream where I was trying to program my alarm clock using ASP so that it would find the current time, and then create a snooze function to go off in a particular number of minutes from right now.
Oh, that was beautiful Garrett!
It’s so weird, I’m kinda going through the same thing right now. I can’t wait to go out soon homeboy!
But I must continue. You’re depiction of love and all of the multi-colored cascades of utter, unfaltering emotion is so heartrending for me, it pierces so close I cannot begin to share. I am so emotional that sometimes I just do not know what to do. I’m waiting for this person it seems, to take me to the other side, the side where unconditional, unrequited, absent of jealousy type love resides and infinitely blooms.
Do I have a “horse in the race” as of now? Maybe. You and I have chatted Garrett, so you know what I mean. But I am just so scared of involving myself in an emotional climb from which I will invariably plummet from. Afterall, I always have.
Again, beautiful story Garrett. Your love and what you have to offer truly knows no bounds.
:twisted:
Great detail. Did you write in a journal while you were there or is that all from memory?
[...] rch 5, 20006. I am wandering around an unfamiliar city; it is my one night together with Faith and we have broken away from my crowd of friends to e [...]