These are the liner notes that came with the album we sold on KillBoyFuckBot/CubbyHole’s West Coast tour, written by Landon Phillips. Landon and Josh Rhodes picked out what they thought were the most representative songs produced by our tribe, and stuck it all on one cd. Though I don’t necessarily agree with all of their selections, this will definitely serve as a nice primer. You’ll also get a good taste of our groups overuse of inside-jokes.
Born in the Hospital: the Lull Records Sampler
1. Cubbyhole- Yes/No: What can be said about Cubbyhole that hasn’t been said already? Oh wait, you probably just met them, so: The cutest band in the Lull Records stable, with Rachel on guitar and vocals, Josh on guitar, bass and occasional vocals, and Erin on drums that she only plays during Cubbyhole shows. Erin learned how to play drums in two hours to fill in for a Cubbyhole show, how cool is that? Yes/No is one of their oldest tunes, and remains a sparkling example their canon. No?! Yes!! Cubbyhole makes us all feel like women, women who can eat candy for breakfast whenever they want.
2. Perpetual Elvis Machine- Barber College: The PEM was a supergroup of two, Cap’n Inconspicuous and Anonymous Josh, occasionally backed on their second album by members of the Lunatic Friends. Displaying a Tom Waits/Stephen Merritt-ian knack for setting every song in the appropriate genre; this selection advertises an imaginary trade school. Songs About Cats, Yo!! was recorded at the Good Ship Iverson by Tom Brokaw, and produced by God.
3. Perpetual Elvis Machine- Freebird II: The Boston-esque soaring vocals were achieved courtesy of a Zoom pedal that no one ever fully figured out how to use. Many bands claim to have written “Freebird for the current generation”, and unfortunately, the PEM is also totally bullshitting you.
4. Datura Blues- The Golden Vanity: D Blues has soldiered on through several different lineups since the Fall of ’99, but seriously, they’ve got like, hellza more musical integrity and artistic vision than, say, Styx. Ryan Jones, the primary visionary behind this outfit, would love to discuss all things sacred with you.
5. Nick Burmeister- Theme from Perfect Strangers: Nick gives what can best be characterized as a pre-post-modern reading of the theme song to the 80’s sitcom that best used Bronson Pinchot’s stereotype-reinforcing one-note act to make jokes that appealed primarily to eight year olds. So why was it on at nine o’clock on Friday nights? That’s past most eight-year-olds bedtimes, even for Fridays. Sheesh. Anyhoo, Nick turned in this command performance at the Stupidummerfest festival in September of ’03 at an apartment alternately referred to as the Yard Sale House, the Star Trek Nerd Palace, the War Room, or simply That Apartment with the Salon Chair Out Front and the Really Stupid Drug-Addicted Cats.
6. Panda Tears- Tsen-Wen You’re a Fucking Mooch: Panda Tears was borne of Garrett’s desire to create an environment for Cesar to sing in, but then Landon butted in. The Panda Tears album 9-21-03 was recorded in about forty minutes, and the Tsen-Wen in question here didn’t chip in for the keg at Stupidummerfest, invoking Landon’ undying ire. Wouldn’t Undying Ire be a cool name for a black metal band?
7. Killboy Fuckbot- Nofolkdancehit: The reason for the season; if you’re holding this CD, then the Fuckbot troupe needs no explanation. However, if you want to lure a few unwitting friends into an orgy, drink forties, watch Last Tango in Paris, and then listen to the first Strokes album. Serve hottt!!
8. Josh Rhodes- I’m So Drunk: Words by Jake, performed by Josh, this is also a duet with the lovely Bethany Cowen, whose Dad performs under the stage name “Lee Rudgear”, even though he’s never performed on a stage. You might say he vastly overestimates his talent, and that it’s amazing that Bethany’s skills developed so pleasantly. In any case, this ditty comes from The Mono Sessions, and is noteworthy because Bethany never got mono from Josh even though they were, you know, doin’ it like all the time when he had it last fall.
9. Quella- Mourning Bell: Christina, Garrett, and Nick Burmeister made up Quella for all too brief a time in the Spring of ’03. This recording comes from a live performance on KRFH student radio in Arcata, and if you were standing in the hallway outside the studio listening in like this author was, you would have been thinking “How did those two goofy schlubs wind up paired with the most crystalline voice on the continent making such beautiful music? Is it OPPOSITES DAY or something?!”
10. Perpetual Elvis Machine- Three Men and a Baby: So we’ve all heard the rumor that there’s a ghost visible in a scene in the movie Three Men and a Baby. However, if you haven’t heard, it’s just a cardboard cut-out of Ted Danson that was on the set for some reason. I asked Steve Guttenberg in person to confirm this explanation, and he did. [Garrett's note: Landon REALLY DID ask Steve Gutenberg!!!] The PEM are fulfilling their public-service announcement requirements in this selection from their first album by utilizing a time machine to prevent themselves from wasting three dollars investigating the controversy. “What’s next, are they going to ‘find a ghost’ in Operation Dumbo Drop?”
11. MC Old Testament- Caltrans: Garrett got mad tanked on his 21st birthday, and had to leave the last bar he was at because he started eating coasters. Then he came back to his honorary party and said to Erin, his soon-to-be-girlfriend of two years, “Erin, you’re my Caltrans.” To this day, no one knows what is meant by this, but a few months ago, Garrett heard the Postal Service and wrote this song in a similar vein. PS- Garrett has an unusually large opening to his urethra. Ask to see it!
12. The Dead Penguin Orchestra- Mr. Coffee’s Revenge: The DPO, a one-man band fronted by Bobo McMoron and backed here by the Lunatic Friends, committed Tales from the Baby Grinder to tape in the winter of ’98-’99. No one present during the recording expected this song, but one thing is for sure: animism never sounded so sweet.
13. Junior Night Ranger- Wizards, Castles, Dragons, and Shit: Casey Cougar Gallagher, sexual tyrannosaurus on bass, El Phillips on guitar w/blues solos, Shawn Muthafuckin’ Sloan on guitar w/tap solos, and Jeb Baldwin on drums comprise JNR. This track, an ode to, at once, Maiden, Sabbath, and the Dead Kennedys, was recorded at Mexico City Auto Body in Byron, CA 94514, with El on lead vox. The Spinal Tap quote came outta nowhere.
14. Perpetual Elvis Machine- Mr. Do: Although credited to the PEM, this should more accurately be credited to an assemblage of the Lunatic Friends. Mr. Do is a bizarre Atari game where the protagonist is primarily concerned with avoiding any concrete evidence of Newton’s law of Universal Gravitation. Recorded at the Good Ship Iverson studio in the summer of ’00, it features an especially spirited backing vocal by Jenny Bradley, who percentage lesbian actually dropped after dating a girl.
15. Landon Phillips- Boorish: This is drawn from Landon’s Great White[a local Arcata beer]-enhanced set at Stupidummerfest, and is pretty self-explanatory. If further info is sought, however, Landon will explain in great detail anything that has ever happened to him if you even so much as look at him, and will also remember debts as small as three cents. Consider yourself warned.
16. Cubbyhole- Time Passes Us By: Cubbyhole=Synergy, the same way that Kaydee+Milkshakes=Room-clearing, Religion-Forsaking Farts.
17. Red- Oh Baby: Red is the friendliest street dude in Arcata, a much more welcome houseguest than Ragman Pete, Big Al, or (shudder) Fhyre Pah-Tah-Wah Phoenix. Thus did Garrett and Josh invite him up to Landon’s apartment while Landon was out of town to feed him chicken and record this lost-and-found gem we’ve decided to title ‘Oh Baby’. If you see Red on the streets of Arcata-by-the-Sea, give him a buck and request a tune from his vast Herman’s Hermits repertoire.
18. Fucktopia- Breakfast was a Donut: The awful Dollar Tree Cruzan malt beverages begat the Fucktopia project in October ’03. Most of Killboy Fuckbot was involved, and it marked the first inclusion of Bethany on vocals. This is an excellent example of Phil’s early forays into folk that reach their current zenith in the Boont Dusties project. PS- KC Divine’s birthday is September 11th. Ask him about his wild night of 9-10-01, and his weird feeling that something fucked up was going to happen the next day.
19. Christina Antipa- Free Stuff: Here she is, self-recorded, multi-tracked, and completely solo, unfettered by any collaborators. The Lull Records collective certainly hopes to one day ride her coattails to fame, or at least more money and sex than we all currently get.
20. Junior Night Ranger- Berserker: Casey Gallagher’s shining moment, adapted from the movie Clerks with him on lead growls. While undoubtedly a sexual tyrannosaurus, it should be noted that he also adapted his favorite sexual technique from Clerks, namely, screwing dead men in the bathrooms of convenience stores.
21. Kill Yer Darlings- Misery Loves Me: In the Spring of ’04, Garrett and Christina teamed with Owen the Emo Sasquatch to create more lovely tunesmithing in the vein of Quella, tunes that you could totally seduce any 17-year-old Cure fan with, leading to a mutual promise to love each other forever no matter what anyone else does or says. Please note that the preceding sentence is entirely gender-neutral, just like Josh Rhodes’ sneeze-appeal.
22. Th’ Boont Dusties- Rye Whiskey: Fuck, gang. We’ve gotta record that folk album we’ve been talking about for months. The tour leaves in ten days. Hmmm….get lotsa whiskey, 20 people, and record 20 songs, the most representational of which is, necessarily, ‘Rye Whiskey’. It’s sung here by the one-and-only, freshly-vasectomized Johnny Webb, and if you dig his vocal stylings here, check him out at karaoke at the Alibi, where he might perform “I’m Every Woman” upon request under his karaoke stage name, Juan Frijole.
23. Panda Tears- Part of Your World: Unlike the Three Men and a Baby controversy mentioned earlier in these notes, that is so a dick on the original movie poster for the Little Mermaid. This cover of the central love theme from that classic is taken from the first Panda Tears practice, and is appropriately sung by Cesar the Fifty Foot Faggot. PS- JRho originally thought the name of the group was PandaTeers when Garrett first mentioned it to him.
24. MC Old Testament- Sysco: This token white-boy rap dealy comes courtesy of G-funk, and relays the tale of that lonely sentinel of mediocre food service delivery, the Sysco delivery man. D’ya thinks he whacks off while driving? Take that to refer to either Garrett or the Sysco man.
25. Cubbyhole- Kill Yer Parents and Take Their Hippie House: Taken from the same KRFH session as ‘Mourning Bell’, this is Josh’s refreshing take on a response to your parents telling you they’ve bought land in rural Washington where they’re going to build a sustainable house and retire, which happened to our dearly beloved G-spot a few years ago. Garrett himself adds some piano, the Lunatic Friends supply backups and handclaps, and the recording engineer can be heard between the sine waves going “Fuuuuuuck. That guy is screaming and the mike levels are peaking and this is a live broadcast.” RAWK!
26. Josh Rhodes- Erik the Viking:“Everything end in mono.”- Proposed Lull Recordings slogan, circa the writing of these notes while traveling between Crescent City, CA and Corvallis, OR on August 2, 2004. For further historical clarification on Viking lore, robot lingo, ninja ethics or Boontling translation, consult Josh Rhodes, Esq. However, for tips on how to keep your balance more than eighty percent of the time, or how to shit without weeping, consult anyone else alive other than Josh Rhodes.
Much love, the Lull Recordings collective 2004.
This is the office of the fifty foot faggot and it has come to our attention that the faggot in question has not recieved proper credit for his involvement in the audio recording titled MC Old Testament-Sysco that took place in the fall of 2003 and sampled again in the summer tour of 2004 CD sampler “Born in a Hospital”, from Lull Records. You will recieve a subpoena within the next coming weeks and must appear in court and answer to the following allegations on the date of August 23, 2007. Failure to do so will result in the loss of all rights to the recording in question.
Thank you and Good Day,
The Fifty Foot Faggot.